i'm sorry , i love you

I'm sorry for all what i am, cause all "i am" is loving you. every word, every whisper, every breath and every look i remember. You know I'm so far away from sadness, but also so far away from happiness cause i know you're far away.

All I'm wishing for you is a good life. i know I'm not the one who's in your heart but you've always been living deep inside. warm and secure.

You know since i left you to go in your own path my only friends are tears.. sadness.. and more love.

I know you wont know who am i.. and probably you wont know that this msg is yours but anyway hope when you read it something stings your heart and make it beat faster. then I'll know that you read it and I'll smile cause I'll be sure that it affected you.

It suffocates me to see you with someone else but thats my fate.. i don't know.. you just don't see me, you don't.

i still love you

Iwant you to know that I still love you and always will. I thought I could get over you and that my broken heart would heal quickly. I was wrong. I was only strong while you were not near. One look at you and my heart melts within me. All the buried feelings begin to rise within me and all I want to do is melt within your arms. I now confess that I never stopped loving you. I guess I never will.

Now I am feeling lost and confused. Within my heart I want you so badly. All I think about is you and being able to hold you, love you, touch you, and be with you. I am consumed by my desire for you and I feel lost without you. I know that I cannot force you to be with me or to want to be with me. It must be your decision. I would not want you any other way. I want you to want me, to be with me because you want to be with me, to love me because it makes you happy to love me, to come to me because you desire to be close to me.

I thought that missing you would get easier everyday. It has not. In fact, now that I have seen you again, touched you again, made love to you again, it has gotten more difficult being without you. My whole being aches for you and I cannot force myself to stop loving you. In fact, I don’t want to stop loving you.

Alas, it might very well be my fate to go on living without you. I will not beg you to come back. If love cannot lead you back to me then I guess we will stay apart, but I truly hope that you will love me as much as I love you and want me with the same burning desire that I want you.

I still love you and I don’t want to stop. I want you.

last sms

My smiling angel,,,

why it happens that way?

why it always happens to me?

or i should i ask why im that way...this way..losing...falling...

this is my last message to you...this the last...how many times did i tell you this?i dont know...but just just know that i will be the last...Im giving up counting it....nowadays im giving everything up...just walking into a hollow...i dont know where to stop or where im going to....i dont know where i lost my dreams...who is acting in this movie instead of me...it became a gamble...just start with innocence...then you wanna win...then it becomes a passion..then became an obsession...but after all you spent your all you dont have anything in your hands....anything..i wonder why does it happen that way..and do wonder when will i lose those last several people i have in my life....even i lost everthing just it hurts me....LOSING you...

I feel i am changing....losing trust to everyone....i didnt want i happen that way......i didnt want anything to become that way...maybe im one to blame....Im feeling lonely...have you ever lost...have you ever watched your dream gone in hands....

have you ever loved someone and despite everything couldnt you get a small piece of his heart....have you ever felt your heart dead.....have you ever hugged your pillow and cried all night....

now im just looking at the past

the things i got
the things i left
the things i supposed to have but never had...
just fake smiles & toy victories......
just a big ZERO i left behind my back....
I will never the ppl i left behind
Will never be strong..will never be brave enough to share the feelings i hide or will have her talent or her beauty i wont be flawless..
i wont a be good person either
Everything is now really over
i dont feel anything...
just walking away..
maybe a miracle comes and takes me away
thinking where am i?
or what have i done?
*nothing* will be my answer again...
pity...now my heart really dead...

yes this will be the last message i will never send.....

THE END ..................................

move on

honey..

when u moved my whole world fell apart i had 

no idea what had just happened. For some reason

 i can't seem to move on. i need you but its to late... 

i love you so much. i guess this is good bye.

apologies

Iwant to apologise to you all, especially my current love interest. I have loved you, but not in the way you would have wanted. To the first and second: I have let you both into my life deeply and completely, and uttered those three fatal words. If it is any comfort, at the time I believed it to be true. But I built you both to perfection in my mind, because you were the only two who showed any real interest in spending your lives with me. Then I realised what I thought you both were was a fabrication I created subconsciously, and everything fell apart. I had been loving lies, not you. When second, you realised what was going on, and found yourself amorous affection elsewhere, I panicked before we were even finished, and before I knew it I fell into the arms of another just as you had done, but for different reasons. The arms of my current man. Surely he was the most prolific of you all, being such a change from the last I deified him, I "fell for him" almost instantly. But it is not so. I've known for some months now that I have been pretending all your faults are not there. I have suggested, not insisted that you change your ways, since they seem to cause you so much misery. But I can't expect you to change just for me if you are not entirely willing. Besides, it would be for purely selfish reasons, because here's the kicker; I made myself believe I was in love so that I wouldn't have to spend my days alone. I'm so afraid of being alone, having no one to hold me and kiss me and be ever so gentle, to keep me safe and warm at night, to satisfy my transient lewd desires, to be my companion. Because I feel I will never be able to find anyone else to love me after each of you. I've convinced myself for so many years that my feelings were genuine, but they were only genuine towards ideals that were not any of you. I can't apologise enough for making you fall in love with someone who is probably incapable of reciprocating the feeling. It's alright though, because I will probably end up alone anyway. To the man who loves me in this moment goes my deepest apology. I haven't yet the strength to cut you free, because now I know I will hurt you, and that will hurt me. I am selfish; if I truly cared I would have told you by now I don't love you, and let you find someone who can. But I need to know I have someone for now. Maybe it will be easier to let you down gently now we no longer live close enough to each other to see each other every day. The feeble part of me prays you will lose interest before I have to tell you this.

I Still Love You, But I Am The Only One Trying...

You haven't been around much lately. So many things have been happening with me, and I've really needed to talk to you.

The other day when I saw you I so badly just wanted to run into your arms. Everything inside of me was screaming out for you, calling you, but you didn't hear or see me. You looked happy, you seem happy without me. When we do talk you always seem so far away, like you've got nothing to say to me anymore

I miss you, I really do. Everyday I wait to hear from you. Everyday I hope and pray we could talk like we used to, but everyday I'm left alone and disappointed. Its not your fault that you have a life and that your busy, I understand we cant always talk, but is half an hour out of your day too much to ask? Is an off-line message or SMS too much to ask?

You don't understand whats been happening with me, you don't know what I'm going through. To be honest I don't know whats going on with you either, and it hurts me. I'm supposed to be the most important person in your life, but at the moment I don't feel like I am. I feel like I am an after thought. Surely I mean more to you than that? I don't know what to say anymore.

Sometimes I feel like running away and trying to forget about you and everything else until I eventually just die.I know there is something very wrong with me, but do you know that? Do you know that I'm not going to be here forever?

I don't think you need me as much as you say you do anymore. Maybe there was a time when you would die without me but now, your living you life and I don't seem to be apart of it anymore. I still love you, I have and always will love you. I'm trying so hard to be with you but I feel like I'm the only one trying I need you, I really need you to be here.

broken heart

ou’re everything I thought you never were

And nothing like I thought you could’ve been

But still you live inside of me

So tell me how is that?

You’re the only one I wish I could forget

The only one I’d love enough to not forgive

And though you break my heart, you’re the only one 

And though there are times when I hate you

Cause I can’t erase

The times that you hurt me 

And put tears on my face

And even now while I hate you

It pains me to say

I know I’ll be there at the end of the day

I don’t wanna be without you babe

I don’t want a broken heart

Don’t wanna take a breath with out you babe

I don’t wanna play that part

I know that I love you

But let me just say

I don’t want to love you in no kind of way no no

I don’t want a broken heart

And I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl...No...No

No broken-hearted girl

I’m no broken-hearted girl

Something that I feel I need to say

But up to now I’ve always been afraid

That you would never come around

And still I want to put this out

You say you’ve got the most respect for me

But sometimes I feel you’re not deserving me

And still you’re in my heart

But you’re the only one and yes

There are times when I hate you

But I don’t complain

Cause I’ve been afraid that you would've walk away

Oh but now I don’t hate you

I’m happy to say

That I will be there at the end of the day

I don’t wanna be without you babe

I don’t want a broken heart

Don’t wanna take a breath with out you babe

I don’t wanna play that part

I know that I love you 

But let me just say

I don’t want to love you in no kind of way no no

I don’t want a broken heart

And I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl...No…No

No broken-hearted girl

Now I’m at a place I thought I’d never be…Oooo

I’m living in a world that’s all about you and me…yeah

Ain't gotta be afraid my broken heart is free

To spread my wings and fly away

Away With you 

yeah yeah yeah, ohh ohh ohh

I don’t wanna be without my baby

I don’t wanna a broken heart

Don’t want to take a breath with out my baby

I don’t wanna play that part

I know that I love you 

But let me just say

I don’t want to love you in no kind of way..No..No

I don’t want a broken heart 

I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl..No..No..

No broken-hearted girl

Broken-hearted girl No…no… 

No broken-hearted girl

No broken-hearted girl

you have broken my heart and im still running

Imiss you. I miss the way things used to be before you changed. Or maybe I am the one who has changed, expectations wise I mean. I was naive and only wanted to be wanted. I put up with being walked all over but I have made friends who have shown me how I deserve to be treated, and its not the way you treat me. 

When someone else comes along you give them all of your attention
 as if I am some kind of embarrassment. You tell all your friends, 
who are mostly girls anyways that you love them. Do you not care that it hurts me so much,
 do you not realise that now when you say it to me it means nothing? You have broken 
my heart so many times and I have and I always will come running back to you.

i regret my dearr

I just wanted to write say a couple of things that I might not have expressed to you the way it was supposed to be expressed. When it was supposed to be expressed. You know? You take your time to think about things, without even realizing that you are taking too long, and it just might be too late by the time you've got your answer. Sometimes going on on a whim isn't so bad as some people seem to make it seem. I don't know what kind of world we all try to live upon, but the one I live in gives us freedom. Now unless noted otherwise I am not bound to any one man unless he is, or in the process of marrying me, until then it is up to me to decide the strength of the relationship, and if it can with stand.....

I think we both said and did a lot of things I know we both regret, but make not mistake by my actions, they in fact were correct. I want you to know that I deeply, and truly do love you from the bottom of my endless heart.

forgive me dear

last nite,, i call u from 12 until 4,, i regret,, please forgive me dear,,
i x sngaje ,, it unintended,, da tak dgr,, mybe prob with that phone not me dear
please... LOVE YOU sgt sgt !! cannot live without u my dear... please...
i need u to understand.... missin u a lot !!!

it feel better if u there by my side ,, well u far from me ,, and bout last nite ,,
i tau i yg bwat spoilt rite... sumpahhh sorry you !!!
please.....